Its Been Awhile

My sweet Amelia, Oh how we miss you!!

2018-
I am sorry that we didn't get to celebrate your 1st birthday the way I had planned. Instead we were living in a hotel room because 4 days before your birthday, our apartment caught fire. I am thankful that I went back in and got the few things of yours that could NEVER be replaced. So life was a little hectic that week. But I still wished you a happy birthday on your day. We got into a new place on my birthday, and got all your stuff out and up where we see you everyday.

Christmas is always going to be hard for me. Your sweet brother picks out a special miniature ornament for you. 2018 he picked out a cute little puppy and kitty one!! Man, he misses you like crazy and would be amazing with you!!!

 2019-
Once again, your birthday wasn't celebrated the way I wanted. We got cupcakes and a balloon for you. Your brother wanted to buy you gifts and everything. It is so incredibly hard telling him no all the time when he wants to get things for you.

Christmas was a little easier this year. Your ornament for this year is a cute little rocking horse! Im going to have to get a small tree for all your miniature ornaments.

2020-
So far this year has been tough for me. You are on my mind daily. I have cried more this year than I have in the past year. I wish I knew why, but I guess it's all part of the healing. Baby girl, I miss you soooooooo much!!

Amelias Corner

Finally got her corner set up with most of the memory pieces I have gotten. The vase holding the Sola Wood flowers has a saying on it. The dragonfly was painted by friend. The 2 figures are Willow Tree, 1 was given to me by the hospital and the other one I bought. The candle I found on Zulily, it's battery operated. The A was painted by me and the flowers are from Sola Wood Flowers. The wall hanging I found on Zulily. And Amelias heartbeat lamb and teddy bear urn share a shelf.

Six Months

Written on facebook:

Baby girl you are officially 6 months old!!! It's crazy that it's already been 6 months since you came into our family and then gained your wings. Man, I wish I could go back and hold you one more time, kiss your little button nose, and stroke your cheek as I tell you how much I love you. Your big brother misses you so much. He loves talking about you, which breaks my heart and makes me proud at the same time!!!

Small Bump

Everytime I hear this song I cry and think of Amelia. The part in the song that gets me the most is when he sings, "you can wrap your fingers around my thumb and hold me tight". My sister took a picture of Amelia with her hand wrapped hand my thumb and I will always treasure that picture. I listen to this song often, but on the 12th of each month I always listen to it at 11:30pm

Christmas Time

Our son decided we needed a pink Christmas for Amelia. So we went online and he picked out pink ornaments, pink wrapping paper and silver garland. I'm so glad he wanted to do Christmas this year because in all honesty, I didn't care about putting the tree up.

Our First Big Family Holiday

Our first Thanksgiving without our baby girl. Wasn't sure how well I would get through it, but I did. Our son didn't want Amelia to be left out, so we brought her teddy bear with us. It sat on the mantle at my parents house the entire day.

Coming Home

Amelia came home today. We had her cremated and today we brought her home. We got this amazing urn that is a teddy bear. So we can hug her anytime we want to.

Our Final Goodbye & Discharge

At 9:55am, hubby and I made the decide to say our final goodbyes and let the hospital staff take her. The nurse we had took her in a different room and changed her into this beautiful pink dress with a white bonnet. This would be her final outfit. She looked like a little doll. I hated letting her go.

By 1:30pm, I was getting things together to go home. Leaving the hospital empty handed sucked. But knowing that my heart was filled with love helped. Coming home to an empty house with things the way they were when I left to be monitored sucked!!!

The Morning After

Its been a few hours since we said our goodbyes. The hospital set up a photographer from NILMDTS to come take pictures of Amelia. At this time we still hadn't told our son that she passed away. We weren't sure how he would take the news. Or even the right way to tell him. After the photographer was done, we spent a little time with my sister and brother in law, who were taking care of our son while we were in the hospital.

By the evening we had family come up and say their final goodbyes to Amelia as we were planning on giving her over to the hospital so the funeral home could come get her. Before everyone left we had our son in the room alone and told him what was going on. I would never wish for anyone to EVER have to tell their child this news!!! We all cried and hugged him as he now had to deal with losing his baby sister.

It's A Girl!!!

Amelia Jean came into the world.  As I was being cleaned up so I could be moved to recovery, I heard the sweetest cry from Amelia as the NICU nurse was telling me that she didn't think Amelia was going to cry. Hearing those words killed me, but baby girl proved them wrong. I got to see her briefly before she was taken to get an ultrasound done to see if the doctors were wrong. Sadly, they weren't and we were only going to have a little time with her.

After getting settled into the room, they brought Amelia in and I got to hold her for the first time. Man she was beautiful. Head full of dark brown hair, gorgeous brown eyes. She looked like me. She was then passed around for the family to meet her. Our son got to meet and hold his baby sister finally. I will never forget how happy he was. Our pastor and his wife came up and got to meet her too. He said a sweet and wonderful prayer as I held her. By 1:30am, I could tell her little body was ready to go. At 1:52am the nurse confirmed that my sweet Amelia had gained her wings.

I am so glad that she got to meet my family before she went. In her very short life, all she knew was love.

Amelia Jean 10/12/17 to 10/13/17

Holy Cow, It's Go Time!!

We get to the hospital by 9:00pm. They get me hooked up to be monitored, baby still has a good heartbeat. They check to see if i'm dilated all at, and to my surprise I am full blown in labor!! All day I had been having actual contractions!!! By 10pm they started prepping me for my csection since baby is still breech. My parents got to the hospital around 10:30pm and my sister was there shortly after with our kiddo. By 10:45pm I was being taken back to the OR.

Just Can't Get Comfortable

Spent the entire day feeling what I thought were just Braxton Hicks contractions. They started shortly after taking the 6 year old to school. I went about my day as normal. Went to Starbucks, came home, napped for about 3 hours. Woke up with the contractions, but they weren't bad. The kiddo came home from school at 2:45pm and we did our normal after school things. By 5pm, the contractions were still there, but never consistent enough for me to worry about. I ordered dinner since I wasn't feeling up to cooking, the kiddo picked pizza. I ate a couple pieces and by 7pm, bed time the contractions weren't easing up. I decided that I would lay down to relax, but couldn't get comfortable. That's when I decided to call the hospital to see if I should come in to be monitored. They said yes. So hubby left work early, we took the kiddo to my sisters and then headed to the hospital.

Csection Scheduled

Well baby is still breech and we have scheduled the csection. Baby will be here the morning of October 24th! I will be 38 weeks by then. Decided not to have it at 37 weeks because that is the week of my birthday and I really didn't want to deal with losing my baby the same week as my birthday.

Weekly Appointments Suck

Well my first weekly appointment didn't go as planned. I ended up going to L&D again for fluids and to be monitored again!! Hopefully this will be my last time being monitored here.

Follow Up after L&D Visit

Well since I had the L&D visit, my OB wanted to see me the next day. We have come to find out that I will be having this baby no later than 37 weeks. So only a few short weeks left!!

First Trip to L&D

Spent the morning being monitored in L&D. Baby decided it wanted to dance, kick, and poke most of the time. Heart rate would be between 150-165 depending on the movements. We were also finally able to get the recording of the heartbeat for the lamb!! Since my BP was up at this time, my OB wanted me to start weekly appointments to monitor better so I won't end up with preeclampsia.

30 Weeks!!

Made to the 30 week mark!! Baby still has a strong heartbeat, but still has low to almost no fluid. Baby is also breech and since there isn't enough fluid to turn the baby, I will most likely have a csection. If still breech at my 34 week appointment, we will schedule my csection for early to mid October

A Special Song

Everytime I would sit and listen to music the baby would move, but anytime Blackbird by The Beatles came on, it would kick and move so much more than normal. So this song became our special song and I will always remember this sweet memory.

Sweet Friends

A few friends I had met online gathered up some money and got us this really cool lamb. It came with a little heart that could record the babys heartbeat from an ultrasound!!

Not What We Wanted

July 7th appointment seemed to take forever to get here. With not sleeping well and hoping they were wrong, we prepared ourselves for the worst news possible. And sadly we got just that. Baby 2.0 didn't have a bladder or either kidney. We were given the option to abort the pregnancy or continue it knowing the outcome wouldn't be what we wanted. Of course we chose to carry on with it as neither of us believe in abortion. Now we had to figure out when would be the best time to tell our 6 year old that the baby he knows about and is looking forward to having won't be coming home with us